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Spice it up!

sex is a journey

We all want to have the best sex ever!

But, despite what the movies tell you, it's not always like that.


Sometimes our lives can get in the way, and our sex lives can go a bit stale. If you're feeling a bit bleh about your own sex life, don't panic! It's ok, it's very normal. If you do want to up the game, maybe it's time to spice things up.

We're here to help you.

This page is filled with options for you to spice things up in the bedroom, reconnect with your body or simply tune into your sexual desires and needs.


We are all always learning on our unique sexual journeys!

Ladybug Journey

your journey begins here

select from the list below to learn more



Image by Deon Black
Dancing Hands

What is an orgasm?

An orgasm is the climax of sexual pleasure - also called the 'big o', the 'o moment', the 'toe-curling moment', the 'peak' or simply to 'cum' or 'cumming'.


Females can have different types of orgasms, and can experience multiple in one session (ohh yes!). 

The type of orgasm depends on which part of the body is being stimulated. Females can experience one or a mixture of:

  • Clitoral orgasms

  • Vaginal orgasms

  • G-spot orgasms

  • Anal (butt) orgasms

  • Erogenous zone orgasms  (check out our Anatomy page for a list of these!)

What do orgasms do? 

An orgasm releases 'feel good' endorphins, so they do just that - make you feel good. Different people feel different things as each of our bodies are unique. Common feelings that go with an orgasm could include release, thrill, breathlessness, satisfaction, sleepiness, increased connection and intense pleasure or excitement.


During orgasm, something that can happen is 'squirting', also known as 'gushing' and the 'female ejaculation'. This is when excess fluid comes out of the vagina. It could be a lot of liquid or just more wetness than you are used to. Don't worry, the fluid isn't pee and is nothing to be ashamed of - instead it can feel intensely pleasurable!

Where to start

Firstly, explore your body, your pleasure zones, and what makes you tick! Check out our Anatomy page for more deets.

If you want to join the squirting community, you could try:

  • Bearing down when you feel close to an orgasm

  • Attempting more G-spot stimulation

  • Using vibrating toys

Every body is unique - have a play and get to know YOUR body and your orgasms! 

orgasm resources

Curious about squirting?

Tune in to episode #249 of the Shameless Sex podcast (also on Spotify, Audible, Apple Podcasts) to learn more about gushing and the biology behind it!

sex toys

sex toys

What are sex toys?

Sex toys are used to explore different feelings of pleasure and learn more about your body. You can use sex toys by yourself, with a partner/s or not at all. 

There is a huge range of different sex toys available. They focus on stimulating different parts of the anatomy. For example, some toys are for:

  • Feeling sexy or 'getting in the mood' (like lingerie)

  • Vaginal penetration (like a dildo)

  • G-spot stimulation (like a wand)

  • Anal stimulation (like a butt plug)

  • Clitoris stimulation (like the Satisfyer Pro)

  • Use by a penis owner during penetrative sex (like a cock ring - stimulates penis and clitoris simultaneously)

Image by Dainis Graveris

sex toy resources

Where do I go to buy sex toys? 

In New Zealand there are a range of stores that sell sex.

You could try

Kink, fetishes & fantasy

Image by Dainis Graveris

What does kinky mean?

Being or feeling kinky is when someone is turned on/aroused by adventurous or unconventional sex.


For example, someone could be described as kinky if they:

  • like to have sex outside of the bedroom

  •  like to use dirty/sexy talk

  • like watching sexual imagery or reading erotic literature

  • engage in role plays

  • engage in BDSM play (Bondage, Discipline/Domination, Sadism/Submission and Masochism. BDSM is all about relinquishing or taking control, walking the line between pain and pleasure, building trust and awakening sexual fantasies)

What is a fetish?

A fetish is when there is arousal or sexual desire around an object, item of clothing or body part.  

 For example, four common fetishes are:

  • lingerie

  • blindfolds

  • feet (an erogenous zone for some people!)

  • food 

Image by SIMON LEE

What is a sexual fantasy?

When you imagine or daydream about a sexual scenario or situation that makes you feel aroused. It might not be what you want to happen in real life, but thinking about it turns you on!


Kink and fetishes are a way to spice up sex, experiment with new feelings and ultimately feel sexually empowered! They can make your wildest sexual fantasies come true.


You could dip your toe into this world by starting with a blindfolded massage, bringing chocolate sauce or ice-cream (the coldness intensifies pleasure points!) into the bedroom, or dressing up as movie character who turns you and your partner/s on!


Like all sexual activity, consent is a must and communication is very important in the world of kink. 

Creating a safe space where you can share and listen without judgement is a great first step. Agreeing on a safe word between you and your partner/s that means ''instantly stop, I'm feeling uncomfortable'' is also a handy tip for before you get kinky!

couple connct

couple connection

There are heaps of things that you and your partner/s can do to reconnect or deepen your level of intimacy.

Here is a short list of ideas for places to start!

  • Sit facing each other, then each share 3 things you appreciate about the other person

  • Have a sex life check-in. Take turns sharing what is really awesome about your sex life what you're enjoying, then what you would like more of

  • Use positive and specific praise when you and you partner/s are having sex. For example, "I love it when you touch me there", "You make me feel so .....", then, "Can you use your fingers/tongue like that in this other spot as well? Oh yes!!"

  • Have a massage night

  • Eye gaze whilst sitting or lying opposite each other.  Breathe deeply together, keeping in time.

  • Blindfolded teasing - blindfold your partner then use the tips of your fingers or a feather to trail over their entire body

  • kiss and lick words on each other's bodies, guessing what they are!

Image by Sam Manns

couple connection resources

Check out is a tasteful, informative, and empowering online resource dedicated to educating about women's sexual pleasure.

It's for women, men, and couples. There's science, testimonials and demonstrations - that are tasteful and real, not pornographic.

"Buy Once, Keep For Life" 

Spend $69-$139 (depending on if you want access to the essentials or the whole range) . Your money helps fund ongoing research about real women, real stories, real techniques and real pleasure!

Ask luna

There are no silly questions, we promise!

Ask away

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