Q&A: shameless style
the world of sex isn't predictable
There is no one way of sex.
No 'right' way of doing things.
No 'normal' way of pleasure.
We're here to help break down some of the stigma and taboos around sex.
To listen to your needs then open the closed doors and talk about what you want to know. Shamelessly.
Do you sometimes feel
All of these feelings are normal and part of being human and exploring what is out there.
We're here to help you feel safe and supported.
Without strings attached.
But with community.
To empower you to be utterly shameless in your own sexual world.
Wherever you are on your own sexual journey.
I've always wondered...
select from the list below to be taken to the answers
Some answers for you...
Do I have to shave my bits?
Nope, but you can if you want to!
Pubic hair are those dark or light curlies that live between your legs and on your genitals.
Body hair is hair anywhere on your body, like on your head, arms, armpits, legs, nipples, face, back... and it is all natural.
What you do with your body hair is completely up to you.
If someone is putting pressure on you to look a certain way, and that is making you feel uncomfortable, then it's time to reflect and have an honest conversation about it.
Some helpful questions to ask yourself might be:
What do I want?
When do I feel most comfortable/like myself/sexy/safe? (with the hair or without?)
Who am I removing my hair for? Am I comfortable with that?
Do my partners/the people around me like me for who I am, or do they like me for what I look like, or what they think I should look like?
Shaving, waxing, laser, hair removal of any type is your decision.
At the end of the day, it's your body.
You do you!
When should I get an STI test?
An STI is a Sexually Transmitted Infection - an infection from having unprotected sex.
Unprotected means without a condom or an internal condom, or if one of these breaks.
Sex in this situation:
penetrative (penis in vagina)
oral (penis/vagina in mouth)
anal (penis in buttocks)
STIs are common. Sometimes there are symptoms, and sometimes there aren't. There is no shame if you have an STI. The earlier you know about it the better for your health and your recovery.
A good rule of thumb is for you and your partner/s to each get an STI test before you have any unprotected sex.
If you have multiple sexual partners at the same time then it is a smart idea to get regular sexual health checkups. There is absolutely no shame in looking after your sexual health!
Have a look at the Family Planning website to find out more about different STIs, and common STIs. You can book an appointment to have a test through Family Planning or with your local GP or sexual health clinic. In some cases, you may be able to take your own test!
Why does my friend tell me to pee after sex?
If you pee after having penetrative sex you are less likely to get a UTI.
What's a UTI?
A UTI is a Urinary Tract Infection.
Some people are prone to UTIs and get them a lot.
Other people have never had a UTI.
Women are naturally at an increased risk of having UTIs due to their anatomy. Firstly, women's "bits" are close together; the female urethra (where you pee from) is close to the vagina (where you have sex), and these are also in close proximity to the anus. Secondly, the female urethra is short, which provides bacteria with a shorter distance to find a comfy home in the bladder (unfortunately not so comfy for the bladder owner).
How does this relate to having sex?
By having sex you are disrupting the normal flora (communities of natural bacteria that live on your skin). As women's "bits" are so close together, and the urethra is short, there is the possibility that these cheeky bacteria may find their way up into the urethra/bladder.
By urinating (or peeing) after sex, you flush out any germs or bacteria that might have gotten into or near your bladder during sex.
What does a UTI feel like?
burning or stinging when you pee
needing to pee, but nothing coming out
If it's a serious infection, there will be more pain and discomfort, and sometimes blood. A UTI can be in your urinary tract, bladder, or kidneys
What do I do if I have one?
Drink lots of water (some people drink cranberry juice too) and go to your doctor or the nearest pharmacy to get medication.
If you are pregnant, we recommend visiting your midwife or GP for a prescription for antibiotics as UTIs can contribute to miscarriages or pre-term deliveries.
Can I have sex on my period?
If you want to, you can!
It's up to you - You do you!
Being on your period is a natural part of life; there is no reason why you can't have sex on your period.
Some women don't like the mess. Others may be self-conscious about it. And these are valid reasons not to have sex during your period. You don't have to - it is completely your decision.
If you are keen, you could always move your sexual activity to the shower, or bath, or even put a towel underneath you. These can make you feel fresh and sexy and in turn, will keep the mood flowing.
Just ensure that whoever you are having sex with makes you feel good and positive about your body too. And, as always, there is consent.
Also, don't forget to continue following the rules of whatever birth control you are using (if you are using one).
Why am I really horny sometimes then other times not interested in sex at all?
It is natural to feel like this.
Horny means feeling like you want to have sex.
Other words can include:
in "the mood"
Your sex drive can change depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle, your hormonal levels, health, stress, tiredness, and if you are going through any major life changes.
If you are not happy with the amount of sex between you and your partner/s, the best thing to do is to have an honest conversation about it. Your partner's sexual needs might not match your own. They are not mindreaders (however much we want them to be!).
Tips & tricks for conversations about your sex life:
Choose a safe, neutral zone (like outside of the bedroom or place that you usually have sex in)
Choose a stress-free time for the conversation (like not right before work or if you're hangry!)
Use 'I' statements rather than 'You' accusations, for example:
I feel like...
I've realised that I need...
How can I help you with your needs?
How do you think we can work together on this?
Curious about something else?
Been afraid to ask in the past?
Pop your questions below. You'll be anonymous and we'll be discreet.
Together, our community will be shameless!